Would you continue to avoid serious conversations with your partner if you knew how detrimental they are to your relationship?
Many people fail to see that their own behavior creates stress, which, in turn, leads to mental instability (let’s call it ” unhappiness “). As we know, our relationship with ourselves is a reflection of our relationship with others. In this case, however, in particular, I would like to draw your attention to the relationship with your partner and what the possible reasons that would doom it to failure are.
One of the reasons for this is due to simply avoiding serious conversations. Is it because there is a ” risk ” of someone taking more responsibility or because it requires an additional emotional investment from both in the relationship?
And how is it with you? Are you avoiding, postponing serious conversations with your partner?
Reason № 1: One day you will encounter the irreversible facts of your own reality
Were there any conversations that you just wanted to avoid with a slight sneer at the situation? If you hold on to the belief that this would alleviate the accumulated stress, the truth is that just ignoring what is happening would trigger an inevitable wave of negative emotions.
Believe it or not, no matter how much effort is required of you, it is healthier not to postpone serious conversations, especially when you have the feeling that something seems to be stuck in your throat. Speak from the heart and be as honest as possible, because if you are interested in the long-term stability of your relationship, this is the most sincere and natural way to show it.
If you continue to run away from the seriousness of your relationship, sooner or later the consequences of your passive behavior will hit you so hard that you would wish you had made different decisions.
The fake consolation prize
Maybe sometimes you don’t feel like listening to your partner and intentionally (or not) you ignore the necessary but inevitable conversations. At such times, “your filtering system is active”. This system could save you unnecessary headaches for a while, but it would gradually make your life impossible for the simple reason that when the ship with consequences sails, you will most likely find yourself in the middle of the great blue ocean, sailing without a life vest.
Reason №2: Avoidance triggers negative reactions
Did you know that by avoiding a serious conversation, sooner or later it causes negative reactions, as much on your end as it does on your partner’s end?
Let’s face it, sometimes it takes courage to articulate our authentic emotional and mental states. But you know what? I suspect you wonder why I insist on sharing, even though it doesn’t affect me directly.
Avoiding a problem that has arisen as a result of a delayed serious conversation makes the situation unbearable. The tension between you and your partner will increase as a result of the accumulated negative thoughts and energy in your mind and body. This, in turn, automatically raises the level of adrenaline in the body, which is the reason for negative reactions / responses, even in situations that at first glance ” seem ” inadequate for such conflicting reactions.
For example, let’s say you and your partner quarrel over a box of cookies (your partner ate them and that made you angry). Do you really believe that the empty box of cookies made you angry?
Result : This negative energy would only lead to dragging your problems.
Reason № 3: Avoiding serious conversations makes you a passive listener
How much of what the other person tells you do you actually hear? Do you feel what he is not telling you? And how would you feel if you knew that your interpretations have nothing to do with what your partner says or wants to say?
Often our relationship falls apart when we stop hearing the other’s feelings in his words, ie. when we become passive listeners. One of the mistakes, albeit unintentionally, is that we think the other person wants to get an answer from us, while all he wants is to be really heard.
Have you ever listened, ready with an adequate, cold response verbal reply? And have you felt the same coldness in your partner?
Why is active listening vital to a relationship?
When you listen actively, you avoid filtering your partner’s words. At the same time, you stop hearing what is “beneficial ” to you, something that would trigger judgmental or manipulative reactions in you. It is active listening that helps you to abandon the degrading habits of your relationship and would activate your positive and proactive thinking.
Let me ask you something:
Have you ever been in a situation where you just wanted to share your feelings and thoughts without expecting or even wanting an answer?
Now imagine that it is your turn to take on the role of an active listener. Ask yourself:
Do I really want to know what my loved one is telling me? Maybe I help him / her just by listening to how he / she feels. I want to know what and how he feels, and what exactly makes him think so.
This approach will strengthen your relationship and is much more effective and healthier for both of you.
Tip : Instead of keeping the conversation going for the sake of the conversation or listening to answer, try to hear your loved one( that’s why he’s a “loved one, right?”) . If the situation requires you to be a listener, listen with your heart, not your mind. Maybe your partner is telling you something you’ve been ignoring for a long time.
When you listen with your heart, it allows the other to open up. If he manages to do so, the strength of your relationship will grow more gently and this will make both of you feel at home.
Another thing I would like you to remember is that when emotions boil, it affects the heart. But not just your heart. The heart of your loved one too. This is extremely important for the overall mental and emotional state – to learn to take control of emotions. I understand that sometimes they go under your skin, but I also believe that it is achievable and possible, and I know that you can .
And how to achieve it?
First, clarify your feelings to yourself and when you are ready, admit them to your partner. But before that, make sure you’re both actively listening to each other. Be careful with your intentions. Make sure that behind your words and actions there are truly pure intentions. Avoid accusations, manipulation, condemnation, belittling your partner and his / her feelings and thoughts at all costs. Simply put, behave the way you would like to be treated, but don’t expect the love of your life to respond with the same. Let the belief be that we all do what we can and that the behavior of both of you speaks to who you are, not who the other is.
Let your words and actions show who you really are, regardless of who they are addressed to.
What are you like as a person and a partner?
Do you want such a person, a partner for yourself?
Do you know that pure and positive energy radiates heat? Do you want to be a bearer of such energy?
Feel free to share your opinion and experience in the comment box, share the article on Facebook with others, or write to me at tsvety@ZeroCamouflage.com.